I’m putting up the whole first draft of chapter one of my current WIP, Slit Mouth, Piece by piece of course. I’m also learning more about adding a bit of fear to my work, which is relevant to this story. Hopefully I’m getting a bit better at it. I’ve popped the links to the first two paragraph at the bottom of the post, incase you’d like to read in order.
So here we go, paragraph 3 of Slit Mouth.
As if she knew what he was thinking the girl turned her dark eyes to him and smiled, a flash of wicked red in her pale face. Her eyes were sultry, inviting. She licked her lips suggestively.
“Do you think I’m pretty?” she asked in her clipped, nasal accent. He almost wished she wouldn’t speak. The accent was the only downfall of Asians. They always sounded like they were whining. And he could think of a far better use for those plump lips and that wet mouth.
“Hell yeah,” he said.
Her smile was pleased and she reached out and took hold of his hand. Her skin was cold, icy cold.
https://eviejayne.wordpress.com/2015/10/09/weekend-warriors-12/ Prt 1
https://eviejayne.wordpress.com/2015/10/16/weekend-warriors-13/ Prt 2
Well Evie, that was menacing enough for me! This guy is toast, for sure! Nicely done.
The last line made me reevaluate everything I’d read before. Nicely done.
Ice cold, huh? Looks like this guy’s going to get more than he bargained for…
Great description! She seems scary.
Thank you everybody. Stepping into the realm of horror is VERY far out side my comfort zone. It’s affirming to hear that I’m succeeding in getting a bit of creepy in there.
[…] Part 3 […]