Weekend Writing Warriors

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I’m putting up the  whole first draft of chapter one of my current WIP, Slit Mouth, piece by piece. Links to the earlier paragraphs are at the bottom of the post.

I also have a question for those who have read the whole piece so far. My partner has been reading the story and has said that the first bit comes off as though the author is racist. So I’m asking if you get that impression or if it’s obvious that I’m trying to create an unlikable character?

In an effort to get a grip, Dave excused himself and went straight into his tiny kitchen to get drinks. Jesus, he was losing his shit. He stared at his trembling hands. Sarah’s betrayal had really done a number on him, hadn’t it. In his darkest moments he thought he might have bought it on himself. He’d been a pretty shit husband in those last few years, but there was no excuse for what she’d done. He may have been lazy and not around for her and the kids, preferring work and the club over family life, but he’d never cheated. Not once, though god knew he’d been tempted. Never as badly as now, with that little Japanese sweet thing out in his living room. Why was he freaked out? His stomach quivered with unease and his scalp prickled.

Part 1    Part 2    Part 3    Part 4    Part 5    Part 6

grudge

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Weekend Writing Warriors.

wewriwa

http://www.wewriwa.com

I’m putting up the  whole first draft of chapter one of my current WIP, Slit Mouth, piece by piece. Links to the earlier paragraphs are at the bottom of the post.

Shit, he should have offered her his jacket. The night wasn’t cold, but she wasn’t wearing much. Too late now. They’d reached his apartment building. It would have been great to take her to a real home. Forty something and living in a bachelors flat wasn’t a great look, but bitch face Sarah and the gym bunny were living in his house. A flash of rage rushed through is blood. His house. The house he’d worked his ass off to pay for while Sarah ground her skinny hips against the gym bunny’s pelvis. He clenched his jaw so hard he thought his teeth would break.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Weekend Warriors

wewriwa

http://www.wewriwa.com

I’m putting up the  whole first draft of chapter one of my current WIP, Slit Mouth, Piece by piece of course. I’m also learning more about adding a bit of fear to my work, which is relevant to this story. Hopefully I’m getting a bit better at it. I’ve popped the links to the first two paragraph at the bottom of the post,  incase you’d like to read in order.

So here we go, paragraph 3 of Slit Mouth.

As if she knew what he was thinking the girl turned her dark eyes to him and smiled, a flash of wicked red in her pale face. Her eyes were sultry, inviting. She licked her lips suggestively.

“Do you think I’m pretty?” she asked in her clipped, nasal accent. He almost wished she wouldn’t speak. The accent was the only downfall of Asians. They always sounded like they were whining. And he could think of a far better use for those plump lips and that wet mouth.

“Hell yeah,” he said.

Her smile was pleased and she reached out and took hold of his hand. Her skin was cold, icy cold.

https://eviejayne.wordpress.com/2015/10/09/weekend-warriors-12/ Prt 1

https://eviejayne.wordpress.com/2015/10/16/weekend-warriors-13/ Prt 2

Weekend Warriors

wewriwa

http://www.wewriwa.com

Last week I gave you the opening lines of a new work in progress. I’ve decided to put the entire first chapter up over the next while. This is from Slit Mouth, Sentinels book 2. The first in the series, Black Aggie, has been accepted by Totally Entwined Group. I’ll let you know when it’s up for sale.

So here is paragraph two.

Dave fingered his ring finger, still not used to the missing wedding band, although the divorce had been finalized last week. If only his cheating ex wife, Sarah, could see him now. Screw her and her muscled gym instructor. That bastard didn’t have a patch on his sweet little geisha. He may have had a body any man would envy, but with those ears he gave Dumbo a run for his money. This Asian beauty was flawless. A wet dream on legs, sex on a stick. What had she said her name was again? Onna, wasn’t it? Man he couldn’t wait to be on her. Dave smiled at his private joke.

Weekend Warriors.

wewriwa

http://www.wewriwa.com

These are the opening lines from a new horror/urban fantasy I’m writing. This is not my hero, but the first murder victim that triggers the story.

Daylight fades the evening darkness falls

Dave had always had a thing for Asian women. Like the petite beauty walking beside him. Man, she was a stunner, way out of his league. Tiny, childlike body swaying gently at his side. Pale shapely legs, bared beneath a short, flared skirt and long dark hair hanging in a thick ponytail down her spine. A schoolgirl fantasy made flesh. Why she’d picked him out at the bar was beyond him. He wasn’t anything special. A forty something, slightly tubby, slightly balding desk jockey.

Weekend Warriors.

wewriwa

http://www.wewriwa.com/

This is the opening lines from one of my WIP’s, book 3 in the Dominion series. Books one and two have been published by Evernight Publishing. Buy links are in the side bar. 🙂

Matthias clamped his lips down in the ragged end of his hand rolled cigarette and sucked back a lungful of aromatic smoke. The nicotine did shit all to relax his tight muscles. He shifted uncomfortably and cricked his neck from side to side, trying to stretch the tension out of his body.

Cold metal of the fire escape cut a frigid pattern under his butt and the backs of his thighs, even through the heavy canvas of his uniform black fatigues. He leaned forward and laid his forehead on the wet railing and sighed. The city spread below him, glistening under street lamps and a steady drizzle of rain.

Jesus, when was he going to get over this shit? Any other male would have been thrilled to be in his boots tonight.

Weekend Warriors.

wewriwa

http://www.wewriwa.com/

Another snippit from the work I currently have submitted, Black Aggie.

Raph strode up the shallow steps and rapped on the glass paned door. A silhouette appeared an instant before the door swung open. Raph took a step back. Holy shit.

Trouble, big fucking trouble. From the top of her sun-bleached auburn curls to the tip of her bare toes. The woman who answered the door was trouble with a capital T.

“Can I help you?” she asked in a raspy, bedroom voice.

Oh shit, oh shit. Her eyes were the yellow green of sunshine through through a glass of 110 proof chartreuse and they stole the breath from his lungs.