This is the opening lines from one of my WIP’s, book 3 in the Dominion series. Books one and two have been published by Evernight Publishing. Buy links are in the side bar. 🙂
Matthias clamped his lips down in the ragged end of his hand rolled cigarette and sucked back a lungful of aromatic smoke. The nicotine did shit all to relax his tight muscles. He shifted uncomfortably and cricked his neck from side to side, trying to stretch the tension out of his body.
Cold metal of the fire escape cut a frigid pattern under his butt and the backs of his thighs, even through the heavy canvas of his uniform black fatigues. He leaned forward and laid his forehead on the wet railing and sighed. The city spread below him, glistening under street lamps and a steady drizzle of rain.
Jesus, when was he going to get over this shit? Any other male would have been thrilled to be in his boots tonight.
eviejayne 
You’ve got me wondering what happened to him this evening. Nothing disastrous, clearly, just disappointing.
Great wordsmithing. Descriptive and concise. Maximum punch for your word count.
Really good snippet, the visuals and tone giving us a better insight to his character. Great work!
Really great scene setting, and then that mysterious emotional hit. Very nicely done!
ditto Ed. We get a nice view of his thoughts, feelings and everything else enough to really want to know more. Excellent snippet
I loved all the details you included, really brought the scene to life for me. Great snippet!